The Feed

May 1, 2025 There she was, driving towards me. A long haired blonde beauty. Her chariot was that of the BMW variety. A large cumbersome, gas guzzling monstrosity of the finest German engineering. I was mowing the lawn along the curbside so my eyes were already peeled to the road as I skirted the Belgium blocks with my mower...all while doing my best to not fall into oncoming traffic and become the star of tomorrow's obituary page. The young goddess slowed down her finely

April 30, 2025 As horror stories begin to mount concerning the White House's demand that all Federal workers return to work and end remote working immediately, I find it curious that the man who made this bold initiative doesn't follow it. We already know he doesn't pay income taxes and pats himself on the back for it. We already know he has been convicted of 34 felonies by a jury of his peers and serves no jail time. We already know he refuses to follow a Federal judges o

April 29, 2025 Breaking News! Your fat, unemployed friend from high school who still lives with this parents is having steak and shrimp for dinner. Will he have dessert? An eager public anxiously awaits his after dinner post on his Facebook page. I got a feeling his mom will not disappoint...and she didn't! Not only did his 80-year-old mother bake chocolate chip cookies, but she used chocolate chunks instead of chips! Apparently pleased at her son's effort in cutting hal

April 28, 2025 So last week, Kristi Noem, the Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security was robbed. She was robbed while in a burger joint surrounded by family and a slew of secret service agents. Somehow, some way, her bag was taken from underneath her seat and not one person in the restaurant seemed to notice. Sucks really, nobody likes to have their purse snatched. I mean, I remember when I had my wallet stolen years ago and I only had half a dozen secret servic

April 27, 2025 Coming up after the commercial break...Oscar winning actor dead at 100, cause of death still unknown. Let me do your job for you bubblehead, he died of old age! For fuck's sake! What are you going to tell me next? Make sure to drink lots of water during a heat wave? Find a cool shady place if I feel faint? Let me guess, traffic going to the beach is going to be hell during Independence Day weekend? You get paid for this shit assholes, give people informa

April 26, 2025 It amazes me how often I lose my damned phone, or for that matter, how often we all lose our phones. These stupid oppression devices are literally glued to our hands. And that goes for even me, a person who loathes the idea of their very existence. Yet, throughout the day we often ask our family members, our friends, our coworkers, "Have you seen my phone?" How do they manage to meander off into the abyss? We check the usual places. In the couch cushions,

April 25, 2025 Have you ever hit a homerun? I suggest you try it. I realize how silly that sounds. But not many people can claim this accomplishment. It's like scoring a goal, getting laid, winning the lottery and vanquishing your enemies all at once. I managed to hit 11 in my youth and none since! Don't think for a second that I've given up! Oh, no, no no! I'm still waiting for that pitcher to hang that curveball when I know damned well it's coming. For that's the tri

April 24, 2025 The family and I had a wonderful time in Cleveland over the past few days. We capped it all off by catching a game at Progressive field where we saw our beloved Yankees grab a much needed win as they salvaged their series with the Guardians. It was certainly nice to be able to afford to go to a baseball game since that has become a luxury for the well-to-do in the New York area. My only complaint about the entire visit, other than there are only three parkin

April 23, 2025 Everybody has their secret pond. Everybody has their secret bend in the river. Everybody has their off-limits fishing hole where you might get shot at you're are caught trying to cast a line. We dream about these places. We yearn for these places. They are sacred, secret and shared with few. Sometimes with none. At these aquatic sanctuaries, there is always that one legendary fish that cannot be caught and will probably never be caught. But we keep going

April 22, 2025 No stories today, just bragging. The clan DeGraw is up in Cleveland for spring break. Enjoying the sights, sounds and smells of it all! Aquarium, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and tomorrow the Yankees vs. Guardians. The best part? Three Days in Cleveland with all three activities is cheaper than just driving 45 stupid minutes from my house in NJ to the Bronx to see the Yankees play at home. Ridiculous! This will be our new tradition...find a place where th

April 21, 2025 A shout out to Pope Francis, who fought for the little guy. I am so deeply sorry one of the last people you ever had to spend time with was J.D. Vance. Jesus Christ (no pun intended!). I am for sure, 100%, that the insane sacrifice and pain you had to endure during your last day on earth will be greatly rewarded in the after-life. I mean, somebody had to do it, right? And please, while you're up there, can you ask God if he can give at least half of the GO

April 20, 2025 Happy Easter everybody. A day where all the stores are closed (except for that wonderful little bodega on the sketchy side of town, bless their hearts). All the Chri-Easters remember that they believe in something or other, and fill the pews. Standing room only in most churches. Those who actually show up every week are pushed to the back of the sanctuary, or worse yet in the auxiliary gym underneath the basketball hoops to watch the simulcast on the big sc

April 19, 2025 After several rounds of ICE raids across the nation, white teenagers and college grads can breathe a sigh of relief. As the school year nears an end, droves of the eager workers are lining up to work the fields, cut the lawns, wash the dishes and clean the houses that those dangerous immigrants have done so diligently for the past 200 plus years. "I was really bummed that I couldn't pick strawberries in 100 degree heat all day for minimum wage after I got my M

April 18, 2025 No jokes today, no puns, no silly stories, no making fun of the doofus in the Whitehouse. Today, I want to say thank you to Sam Rosen, longtime play-by-play announcer for the New York Rangers. Last night was his final broadcast with the Broadway Blueshirts, who unfortunately failed to make the playoffs this season...but at least the Rangers were able to give him a win before he sailed off into the sunset. I know how incredibly cliche' it sounds to say Sam has

April 17, 2025 An investigative reporter has uncovered the true reason Trump has doubled down on ridding the country of immigrants, both legal and illegal. In his latest scheme, he has offered "good" immigrants money to go back home to their native lands...even offering free plane flights. He has also sent his goon squads to irradicate any immigrant who has the audacity to not agree with him. The reporter, who asked to remain anonymous, for fear of being deported himself go