The Feed

April 16, 2025 I love it when there is a breaking news story unfolding in real time and the person next to you starts asking questions that you have no chance of answering. Listen pal, I would love to be an authority on this matter that is unfolding right before our very eyes, but I have the exact same information you do! Perhaps if I could concentrate hard enough and access the Akashic record, tap into some secret up-to-date highspeed informational portal that is somehow qu

April 15, 2025 Wife or kids not talking to you? Just hop on an important phone call! Call a restaurant and start ordering take out, try ordering food at the drive through, maybe turn on your favorite television show...it's all gold really. Bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, down by three with the cleanup hitter at the plate? You might as well start a forum on world peace! Just partake in anything that involves your complete undivided attention and the conversation will f

April 14, 2025 Yelling at the television accomplishes nothing my children tell me. Young fools, if they only knew the power I yield! You remember that homerun that Aaron Judge hit for the Yankees last week? Yup, all me. So let that be a lesson, ye of little faith! Let that be a lesson. I told you not to throw that damned pitch! Why aren't you listening?

Chapter 8 Ownership In all my years of living on this planet we call Earth, I have never encountered a group of individuals who cry the blues more than restaurant owners.  The world is always out to get them.  The beer distributor is screwing them, the guy selling produce from the farm is jacking up his prices, coffee is through the roof, Uncle Sam just wants more and more and the damned liberals are sending us all to the poor house.   I personally have never worked for an

April 12, 2025 Well, it's official...spring has gone on strike. In a stunning 5-to-4 vote last night at the Local 501 teamster's hall, Spring gave a huge double fisted middle finger to all those at the negotiating table after a deal could not be reached. Winter was more than happy with the news, as it gladly crossed the picket line with its pool of nonunionized laborers. Plans to erect giant inflated rats across the nation were quickly squashed when it was noted that union

April 11, 2025 C3PO is clearly the scarecrow! How have I missed this after all these years?! On another note, Toto...great dog, mediocre band. But Sir! The odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720-to-1!

April 10, 2025 In a "stunning" turn of events, and just in the nick of time, our benevolent king and ruler Donald Trump put another 90-day pause on tariffs. Time was running short, as Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos and Mark Zuckerberg were minutes away from cancelling their orders for their state of the art personal cruise ships...all ordered the day Trump was mindbogglingly reelected president of the United States. Luckily, at the inauguration ceremonies earlier this year, most of t

April 9, 2025 Scientists have recently been able to clone a species of wolf that has been extinct for over 10,000 years. In order to not lose any of their federal funding for cloning activities, the scientists have agreed to hand over the wolves and all said research to the Trump administration. Department of Homeland Security stooge and reincarnation of Joseph Goebbels, Stephen Miller was ecstatic at the possibilities. "We'll start by deploying the wolves to the streets of

April 8, 2025 It was announced earlier today that singer and songwriter Lenny Kravitz has decided he will no longer spend 23 hours a day primping and prepping for his 30 minute strolls down the beach. Apparently it occurred to the 60-year-old that he needed more time for himself and his family after a photoshoot in the Bahamas needed four years to film a 30 second spot. "The travel agency that hired me to shoot this commercial were very pleased with the result, but were for

April 7, 2025 I get the feeling that the sun is never going to shine again. It's never going to stop raining or get warm. Where are you spring? I guess on the bright side of things I have managed to post something for 100 straight days. That's something to hang my hat on today, I guess. Now let me get back to my window to stare endlessly at the gray gloomy world that is staring back at me. It misses me. Hey, that's my staring window! Scooch over!

Chapter Seven The Cast Hipster Henry Well, if dealing with millennials isn’t bad enough, meet Hipster Henry.  A simple minded sheep whose beard hasn’t molted yet; he takes his daily vitamins via the best rootin’ tootin’ local IPA you got on tap!  When asked what he wants, he calmly runs his fingers through his two foot beard and spouts out as many big time words as he can muster.  When describing the latest beer with the chocolate raspberry notes and medium strength APV with

April 5, 2025 I feel like we're watching the sequel to Richard Prior's 1985 hit Brewster's Millions. If you're not familiar with the movie, a washed up minor league baseball player must spend 30 million in thirty days in order to inherit $300 Million Dollars. He has some crazy rules to follow, such as he's not allowed to own anything, give the cash away, destroy it or tell anybody about the deal. So basically he has to make the most absurd and horrific business deals and w

April 4, 2025 Over 3 trillion dollars of wealth has been wiped off the boards and into oblivion since the Bankruptcy Baron has taken office. And with stock futures down another 1,200 today we're looking at another wipe out when the bell rings. As a self proclaimed novice and ignoramus on the economy, I did me a little research with the google machine to educate myself with the basics. What I discovered was that the United States economy is the largest on the planet earth.

April 3, 2025 Maturing as a human is kind of like being a train.  I know what you’re thinking, here goes crazy old Uncle Ray with another one of his far out analogies…but please, hear me out, I know this sounds a little crazy, I do! But I promise you, when you’re done reading this, you will totally agree with me.  And if you don’t, well then, you’re just wrong!  Because, as I tell my wife and children, I am always right! When you’re a child, you’re kind of like that train at

April 2, 2025 After watching Kevin Costner’s Waterworld during Movie Monday, Trump and his cabinet have decided to double down on one-time use plastics.  The idea was first brought up by J.D. Vance when he remembered seeing a news story about a plastic island the size of Texas drifting aimlessly in the Pacific Ocean.  By adding even more plastic to the island, the plan is to use Marjorie Taylor Green’s Jewish space laser to melt it into one giant floating continent.  This way