The Feed

March 17, 2025 What do you do with a drunken sailor?  Shave his belly with a rusty razor?  That’s just mean!  Put him in a long boat until he’s sober?  That’s a little nicer I suppose.  Stick him in a barrel with a hosepipe on him?  What the fuck does that mean?  Doesn’t sound too pleasant.  Put him in a bed with the captain’s daughter?  Now we’re talking!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day Everybody! Now that's some good eating, right there, I tell you what!

Chapter Four The Great Escape The first couple of shifts weren’t the easiest, which is always the case when you start working a new bar.  Learning the bottle placements, glassware, menu and register (not to mention all the little quirks of a new restaurant).  It also took time to learn the dos and do-nots with the new staff and ownership. Then there was dealing with the special treatment of certain everyday regulars.  But it was also tough on my legs.  Sitting and vegetatin

March 15, 2025 It's parade day in Morristown, and I sure am glad to not be working! The kids and I made a quick tutorial on how to make a half and half. There's not much to it. Just need Guinness and Harp and the gumption to make it happen. Enjoy the show!

March 15, 2025 My truck is an idiot. Every time I open the door it keeps telling me it's a jar. No, you moron it's a door! How many times do we have to go over this? The new fridge is also irritating me. Change the water filter it says, change the crisper filters it moans. Listen pal, I'm a busy man. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told the old fridge...Piss Off! You saw what happened to the last smart aleck appliance that wouldn't stop pestering me, so watch yo

March 14, 2025 Here we go again. As the stock market tumbles out of control, the Bankruptcy Baron has brilliantly tackled the problem by threatening more tariffs. This time against Europe and its wine and Champagne industry. Big mistake on two fronts. One, as history teaches us, you don't fuck with the French wine industry. If you read your history books, which I know you don't, they will move mountains to protect it. Two, as a professional drinker with two wooden legs

March 13, 2025 Remember when the world was wired? Your computer, phone and printer sat on your desk. You snaked the wires through a little hole behind your monitor and everything was hidden and neat. If you needed space to draft a letter or do your homework it was there for the taking. Now we are wireless. I think. My desk has become a tangled nest of wires that would make the robins in the back yard proud. Shit, there are so many wires sticking out of the hole in my d

March 12, 2025 Deciduous trees are nature's lazy jerks. Okay buddy, just take six months off every year and make us stare at a bunch of big ugly sticks coming out of the ground. Maybe you could try a little harder like your much more successful cousins the Evergreens? I mean, just look at those guys...all green and full no matter how damned cold it is outside. Bravo! Hard working, never take a day off, go-getters to the max! And let's not forget the mess you make every f

March 11, 2025 With the stock market crashing and all hell breaking loose with the second Trump administration, a shake up has occurred. In an attempt to save the sinking ship (which was estimated to take a couple of years, not a couple of months) Comrade Combover has added Monty Burns, Satan, Lizzy Borden and the starting line of the 1975 Flyers to his cabinet. Kid Rock, Hulk Hogan and Kanye West were reportedly furious for not being included.

March 10, 2025 I'm going to start off by saying I personally have no ill feelings or disdain for daylight savings that many seem to have all of a sudden. I personally love it to be honest. It ushers in the sunshine, and it coincides with the season changing from the dregs of winter to the bright optimism of spring. The days are longer and the kids get off their devices and actually want to go outside...what a concept! Take a moment to envision all the splendor to come..

Chapter 3 Another Bump in the Road When growing up, my father and I loved watching Cheers together on Thursday nights.  Seems a bit odd to think my dad would be promoting a show about drinking, loneliness and alcoholism, but it really wasn’t about that.  It was all about the characters and their individual stories and what made this group of loveable losers find each other in the dank basement bar amongst the brownstones of Boston. It showed us that despite what we were, or

March 8, 2025 Well, here is the inaugural video for Uncle Ray's Thought of the Day. Starring, yours truly, my daughter Miss Maggie Moo and filmed by my son William. Teamwork! You will need the following ingredients to join in on the fun... Whiskey Sweet Vermouth Grand Marnier Ice/water Bitters (optional) Maraschino cherries Follow along with the video, and for God's sake, have some fun!

March 8, 2025 There has been a noticeable absence of Canadian geese returning as the weather begins to warm up.  A lot of blame has been placed on the avian bird flu that has been decimating our chickens and unfortunately making eggs very expensive.  The truth of the matter is, the flocks of Canadian geese have been flying 50 miles off the east coast in international waters, thus avoiding the 25% tariffs and ice agents all at once.  Oh Canada, that’s one smart bird!

March 7, 2025 I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the fact that my son's pants are the same length as mine, or that I'm still folding his laundry. The jury is out deliberating and I'll let you know what they come back with.

March 6, 2025 According to a report I saw on the local news this morning, one-in-three Americans plan to spend $5000 on a spring break vacation this year.  I’d love to see what they are spending on the summer vacation! What happened to inflation? What happened to nobody having money?  I guess the price of bread and eggs isn’t too bad all of a sudden?  I managed to go on one spring break during my second senior year of college. We crammed seven guys into my Plymouth Duster, s

March 5, 2025 By Ray DeGraw I hear by decree that I will never wear a suit ever again! And no, it has nothing to do with the fiasco of an oval office meeting that took place earlier this week. Although that was pretty hilarious! By the way, did Kid Rock, Kayne West, Hulk Hogan, Elon Musk or any of those other nitwits that visit the Umpalumpa wear a suit? I'm asking really, I don't know the answer and didn't feel like wasting my time looking it up. Anyways, I'm getting side