Pop the Bubbly!

March 14, 2025

Here we go again. As the stock market tumbles out of control, the Bankruptcy Baron has brilliantly tackled the problem by threatening more tariffs. This time against Europe and its wine and Champagne industry. Big mistake on two fronts. One, as history teaches us, you don't fuck with the French wine industry. If you read your history books, which I know you don't, they will move mountains to protect it. Two, as a professional drinker with two wooden legs I can tell you this...when my drink of choice becomes too expensive I just switch to the next cheapest thing.

So if you think the Europeans are going to spend 200% more on American whiskey, think again. The Japanese have become pretty darned good at producing the brown nectar of the gods, and I'm pretty sure they'd be more than happy to jump right in to fill the void. I think what the Orange turd and his minions are forgetting is that although the United States has the number one economy in the world, there are 194 other countries that can buy and sell things...including beer, liquor and wine. Or anything else for that matter.

I'm not afraid to admit, I have trouble going more than a few days without a stiff drink. While I'd prefer to drink something of quality, I'm not adverse to diving into the bargain bin if the money is tight. Fruit juice and sodas work wonders, as a former bartender I can attest to that. The thing of it is, this doesn't stop at just liquor. These 194 other countries are just going to go to a different supplier if the cost becomes too steep. And they'll also sell to somebody else if the profits are more kind.

So pop the Champagne while you can! Because pretty soon the only place in this country where that will be happening is down at Mara Lago...or the worst case scenario, Bedminster, NJ. Welcome to the next Gilded Age morons.