Jackpot!

December 27, 2025

By Ray DeGraw

Get the tinfoil out and ready, because old Uncle Ray has a crackpot theory to share. This time, it's concerning the lottery. Over the last couple of years, the jackpots have risen to absurd levels, as has the cost of the lottery tickets themselves. It's two bucks for the Powerball, or three if you want to play the powerplay (a separate drawing that multiplies your winnings). Which let's face it, you kind of have to. Can you imagine hitting four numbers and the powerplay multiplier is 10? Instead of winning a thousand bucks, you'd be bringing home a 100. You'd be kicking yourself for being too cheap to pony up the extra lousy buck! And don't even get me started on the Megamillions...that's five bucks a play now. They don't even give you the option any more to multiply your winnings. Fuck you pal, you pay full price no matter what!

Putting all this aside, what I'm really worried about is where exactly the money is going, and who is exactly winning? Because these jackpots have gotten so ridiculously large, you can now remain anonymous. So, my tinfoil hat wearing self wants to know, how exactly do we know anybody is winning at all? Could this whole shebang be just another way the elite are siphoning off money from us lowly plebs and funneling it to their already overstuffed coffers? Because, let's face it, the poor folks on the top are really suffering mightily these days aren't they? Poor fellas.

Listen, I get it, finding yourself suddenly with a bank account nearing a billion dollars would be terrifying to say the least! You would have cousins you never knew existed. Friends you never knew you had. Every nonprofit organization in the world would be knocking at your door. You would have to hire security for you and your family, because every creep in the world would be looking for a way for you to pony up. And what about the finances themselves? You would have to hire at least half a dozen people who's sole job it was to manage the funds properly. It would be a nightmare. A good nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless.

I wonder if I would stay anonymous? For the safety of my family, I probably would. But I'm thinking it wouldn't be hard to figure out I had won something. My house fixed, a pool put in, lavish vacations around the world in my new Yacht. How the hell did Ray afford that? Something is amiss here for sure! Which I guess makes me wonder...do you know of anybody who suddenly spends like a Russian Oligarch? Have you heard any stories about the guy down the street that bought his own golf course? Probably not, I'm thinking. So where is the money going, and who exactly are the winners? Food for thought.

That's enough out of me, this tinfoil hat is starting to hurt.

Foiled again!