Timber!

March 12, 2025

Deciduous trees are nature's lazy jerks. Okay buddy, just take six months off every year and make us stare at a bunch of big ugly sticks coming out of the ground. Maybe you could try a little harder like your much more successful cousins the Evergreens? I mean, just look at those guys...all green and full no matter how damned cold it is outside. Bravo! Hard working, never take a day off, go-getters to the max!

And let's not forget the mess you make every fall. Not only are you lazy but you're fucking slobs! You're worse than the kids leaving their shit all over the place. Leaves, sticks and bark all over the lawn in the fall then all those damned helicopters that cover my fresh mulch every spring...unreal! Thank the good lord I don't have allergies, because I'd be bitching about that too.

Ugh, you're like that one pain-in-the-ass friend who stops by from time to time and makes an absolute mess of the house; that guy who leaves a tidal wave of destruction in his wake. Then I'm the sucker that's got to clean up everything in a rush the next day before the wife comes home from her weekend getaway with her sisters. I've had it with your shit! Fucking jerks! You've hurt me too many times.

If it wasn't for that whole oxygen thing and shade on a hot summer day cliche, I'd be done with you all together. But like the battered soul I am, I welcome you back with open arms every spring...even though come October, you're just going to hurt me all over again. I love you guys so much, welcome back. Jerks.

Look at that hard working evergreen in the background!