Food Paparazzi

April 29, 2025

Breaking News! Your fat, unemployed friend from high school who still lives with this parents is having steak and shrimp for dinner. Will he have dessert? An eager public anxiously awaits his after dinner post on his Facebook page. I got a feeling his mom will not disappoint...and she didn't!

Not only did his 80-year-old mother bake chocolate chip cookies, but she used chocolate chunks instead of chips! Apparently pleased at her son's effort in cutting half of the lawn earlier in the day, she had decided to butter him up in the hopes that the backyard would be cut the next morning.

Unfortunately, in a stunning turn of events, the back yard did not get cut as planned as the unemployed son spent six consecutive hours online arguing with what he calls "woke" liberals who had the nerve to bash his beloved president Trump. Exhausted by his stellar efforts he took what was left of his unemployment check to buy several Flags and bumper stickers to adorn his $75,000 dollar Hemi engine pickup truck he was somehow able to afford.

After cruising around town endlessly with his flags flapping triumphantly in the wind and burning several tanks of gas, he ended his day at the pub where he had a nice fat juicy ribeye and a plate of steak fries. All of which were posted on Instagram, Facebook and Reddit for us to enjoy. The post received 1000 views and 950 likes. News and content at its very best.

Mom and dad, sitting at a booth at the opposite end of the restaurant picked up the tab. The backyard is still not cut.

Only chunks in my house! Chips are for paupers.