Christmas 2, the Bunny Cometh!

April 20, 2025

Happy Easter everybody. A day where all the stores are closed (except for that wonderful little bodega on the sketchy side of town, bless their hearts). All the Chri-Easters remember that they believe in something or other, and fill the pews. Standing room only in most churches. Those who actually show up every week are pushed to the back of the sanctuary, or worse yet in the auxiliary gym underneath the basketball hoops to watch the simulcast on the big screen.

The Pastors, Reverends and church elders turn their heads and strain their backs as they count their winnings. Afterall, the roof on the old rectory needs re-taring this summer. When the sermon is over everybody races home to see the most talked about UFC fight of the year, Jesus vs. the Easter Bunny on the Monsters of Mayhem Sunday Spectacular! Who will win out? Our lord and savior? Or the mythical beast that leaves all that wonderful chocolate and hides our eggs all over the house? Find out tonight at 8pm Eastern time! Oh Lord, what a day to behold!

Meanwhile Santa, who is still recovering from working his ass off on Christmas has to play second fiddle to this monstrosity. But he doesn't give two shits, he's off sipping Mai Tais on a white sand beach somewhere. Afterall, last year's Xmas was a record breaker, the best yet! Quotas were met, stockings were filled and we only lost three reindeer and 50 elves (there are plenty more where they came from, am I right?!).

Win-win for the stock holders. Win-win for us all. On another note, the Tooth Fairy has filed a grievance with the union for not getting either day off this year. Or any day for that matter.

"What kind of bullshit is this?" Said the Tooth Fairy. "No getting a day off for me. Kids lose their teeth every day of they year. You don't see me sitting on any white sand beaches. No Mai Tais for the Tooth Fairy! No, I just get up every day and work my ass off. No elves, no reindeer, no bunnies no resurrections. Fucking bullshit if you ask me."

This story has been updated from this morning...

***Success! The old rectory will, in fact, get its new roof this year! Huzzah!***

***The Tooth Fairy was unceremoniously replaced with her non-union Mexican equivalent, Hada de los Dientes. Ice has already been contacted that she may have very well crossed the border last night. Details to follow***

***Jesus lost the match in a controversial split decision, he is appealing the result to UFC officials as we speak.***

You want to talk smack Jesus? Bring it!