Phew, That Was Close!

April 19, 2025

After several rounds of ICE raids across the nation, white teenagers and college grads can breathe a sigh of relief. As the school year nears an end, droves of the eager workers are lining up to work the fields, cut the lawns, wash the dishes and clean the houses that those dangerous immigrants have done so diligently for the past 200 plus years.

"I was really bummed that I couldn't pick strawberries in 100 degree heat all day for minimum wage after I got my Masters degree," one recent white grad was overheard saying. "I was so ticked off that those darned illegals took that opportunity away from me. I was seriously getting ready to spend a lifetime sitting at a desk and making 150,000 a year...maybe more. What the hell kind of life is that? Screw that! Now I can follow my dream of living paycheck to paycheck."

The exuberance caused the abundance of menial job openings has been infectious amongst America's youth. A new dawn has risen, and soon the opportunity to not only have one job, but several to just get by, is on the horizon!

"I always dreamed to have great job, but never did I dare dream that I could have more than one at at time," said Dan Jones who just graduated top of his class at Welmont High. "To go from giving my Valedictorian speech to washing dishes at the diner, getting an hour of sleep and then rushing over to strip asbestos off of steam pipes is beyond anything I dared dream of. What a country we live in!"

The possibilities are endless according to Elon Musk who has promised to bring back the seven day work week.

"No more will we have to take off the Sabbath for this so-called God of yours. If he was truly your savior he wouldn't force you to take a day off when you could be working for pennies on the dollar."

Now if we could only rid ourselves of those child labor laws too!