Hello to You Too!

May 1, 2025

There she was, driving towards me. A long haired blonde beauty. Her chariot was that of the BMW variety. A large cumbersome, gas guzzling monstrosity of the finest German engineering. I was mowing the lawn along the curbside so my eyes were already peeled to the road as I skirted the Belgium blocks with my mower...all while doing my best to not fall into oncoming traffic and become the star of tomorrow's obituary page.

The young goddess slowed down her finely tuned motor carriage and brought her perfectly manicured hand to the open sunroof. Would you look at this! She's waiving to me with a smile that could launch a thousand ships. Yep, I still have it, I tell you what. I smile back, a shitty little grin letting her know I appreciate the greeting, but I'm taken. And then I realize what it was she was really doing. This low down pile of human vomit was throwing out her candy wrapper.

"Off to the wind with you! Don't worry, somebody will find you and throw you out. Maybe that scruffy looking old-timer mowing the lawn. I can't have you sitting on my leather seats until I get home. You might get chocolate on them! Nothing gets out chocolate! I won't let you get dirty my sweet, sweet ride, oh how I love you so!"

Don't put that on my car seat! That's Genuine Peruvian leather!