Ham Sandwich

March 19, 2026

By Ray DeGraw

No, I'm not talking about the untimely demise of Mama Cass here. God bless her gigantic soul! I want to discuss how unsettling it is when I get fresh ham from the deli counter and it's rectangular in shape. I wonder what kind of farm this particular pig came from? Do they squish them into large rectangular metal boxes after they've been relieved of their "farming" duties? Or have these particular pigs been exported from a teenage Minecraft marathon gone awry? I mean, really, can we at least take the pork pressings and scraps that fell onto the floor at the cannery and mold them into a half moon shape? It's not too much to ask.

That is all.

I told you damned kids to stop playing the Minecraft and go outside!