Cuidado!
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
March 6, 2026
By Ray DeGraw
As a parent of two children, I have done my best to keep them out of harm's way. A little life lesson here and there and some sage advice from the Old Man to keep danger at bay; that's how I've rolled. When I was a youngster, my father would take me on long walks around the neighborhood to bestow his wisdom upon me. As I would love to do the same, my neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks for some strange reason, so I've had to take a different tact. Therefore, and without further ado, I give you all my top ten people to avoid at all costs. Listen, and listen wisely and you should live a long and happy life...I know I have!
Never trust a person who doesn't drink: Now there are exceptions to this rule, as there are times when an individual's health is at stake or when Lady Liquor takes over one's life. It happens. As a former bartender, and a fan of booze, I know the dangers of alcohol. But, when you have an individual who has never even taken a sip and gets through their day on the pure joy of just living...well, some thing is up there! Keep your eyes peeled!
Avoid, at all costs, someone who has a combover: Do I really have to explain this one? Why do people still do this? You're not fooling anybody! Hey, listen, I went bald when I was 16-years-old. Have some fucking dignity and embrace it!
Do not befriend the son or daughter of a rich man: There is nothing worse in this world than somebody who struts around third base like they just hit a triple, when they were born standing there. I have known many people like this and they are the biggest phonies on the planet. Hey, I can have a successful business too if my mommy and daddy gave me their millions. So stop patting yourselves on the backs and calling yourselves Titans of Industry. Cool?
Stay at least 10 feet away from an individual who eats well done steak: In all my years working in and out of restaurants, I never understood a person who ordered their steak to be ruined. And with the price of beef these days, it should be a crime to cook beef any more than Medium Well. As a matter of fact, I think I might contact my representative and see if I can get this law passed!
Stay 20 feet away from somebody who puts ketchup on said steak: No need to expand on this. Although, that being said, maybe add this rule as a rider to the "No Well Done Steak" law. It's for the best.
Keep your distance from anybody who schedules their week around a NASCAR, PGA or UFC event: Any individual that can watch cars go around in a circle for hours on end, watch awful rich assholes cheat endlessly on a golf course or enjoy seeing two human beings beat each other within inches of death are certainly a special breed of human themselves. Probably best to just walk the other way if you see one of these folks headed towards you.
Hide from those who have obsessions with naming buildings after themselves: I can't think of a higher honor than having a building named after you. That's something that's earned through a lifetime of wonderful deeds and service to mankind. Naming a building after yourself is just as bad as winning a golf tournament at your own course! Especially when you keep your own score. Just saying...
Steer clear from draft dodgers who wage warfare on oil rich nations: There are two reasons to dodge a draft. The first is to avoid being killed in an unjust war waged by rich white politicians. The second is to avoid fighting and dying because you're a privileged white asshole. But the worst of the worst is being a chickenhawk. That's somebody who successfully dodges a draft and becomes an elected official. Then has the brass balls to send soldiers and missiles to kill people in an unjust war fought over oil. It's a vicious cycle! And not the kind of guy you want to have a beer with, that's for damned sure.
Run away from anybody whose skin has a healthy orange glow: Whether it's makeup, a contagious disease about to wipe out humanity or exposure to some radioactive waste from an alien spacecraft, please avoid anybody that looks like an Oompa Loompa. It's just common sense folks!
Last, but not least, hide from anybody who eats McDonalds more than six times a week: Hey, listen, I love McDonalds. Don't let me fool you. I probably get it once a week. A nice double cheeseburger and golden delicious fries with a cold Coca-Cola and I'm in heaven. Along with a half pint of vodka and some beers, it is one of my indulgences in this life. But, more than once a week? That's pushing it! And when you're counting the pickles and onions as your vegetable intake for the week...well, that's scary. I guess as long as your job isn't important or anything, and the world will move on seamlessly without you...then it's all gold. I say, make it a dozen times a week! But yes, avoid this person at all costs, especially when they're on the throne.
So that's it. My sage advice. Take it or leave it. It's gotten me almost 50 years on this planet, so I suggest you heed my words of wisdom.
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