You Want Fries With That?
- Ray DeGraw
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
May 16, 2025
Do you remember the glorious feeling of euphoria when you were a child and your parents got lazy and decided they were getting McDonald's for lunch? You jumped for joy, your stomach growled, you prayed to the Gods above that they were still selling those Star Wars glasses so you could complete your collection. C3PO is all you need and you've got this thing baby!
Are we getting takeout, or are we eating there? Eating there of course, Mom loves those fries hot and extra crispy, we're not bringing them home to reheat in the toaster, they never taste the same. And besides, the playground is the bee's knees! Even when the sun is shining and the big dangerous metal slide burns your ass as you slide down to a nice hard slab of concrete...it's all gold! Oh, those were the days, I tell you what!
Now, not so much. McDonald's sales are slumping and they can't figure out what they are doing wrong. Shit, they just added some mundane, mediocre flimsy chicken fingers to the menu, that should bring 'em back through the doors! No, no, no! We were begging for the Chicken Selects that you so rudely took from us for no damned good reason. And don't think that disgusting McRib is going to make me jump in my car and bust through the doors. Although, I will admit, I do have to remind myself what it tastes like every decade or so. Spoiler Alert...it tastes like what I think dog food covered in BBQ sauce would taste like.
And hey, listen, the prices are still good and the burgers and fries are still top notch. Hell, I can feed my family of four for $20 bucks if we don't go nuts. That's still better than their competitors by a longshot. And forget going to the Diner, that's become a hundred dollar venture after tip. So what's wrong with McDonald's? I went there yesterday for lunch, and I know exactly why they are failing.
When you walk in, there is nobody there to greet you. Two empty registers that if you stand at long enough, somebody does eventually figure out you would like to order some lunch. Instead you have to order at the kiosk...which for somebody like me who can barley use the computer I'm typing this article on, can be daunting. I begin to panic as I can't figure out how to order the damned McValue meal that I want and the person behind me is getting impatient at my lack of progress. Phew, there it is, hidden at the very bottom of the screen...designed for you not to be able to see it. Not cool, McDonald's, not cool!
I then take a table tent with a number and find a seat. I walk into a big empty sad dining room. Two other people, also waiting, their heads stuck in their cellphones. A stark difference from when I was young and the place was so filled you had to wait for something to open up. You do a dance as you see your parents about to saunter on over with the food, and you, the young lad who's only job it was to find a table, well, you have failed! Oh, wait, there's one! Thank the maker!
Yesterday I waited almost ten minutes for my food to be delivered to my table. If this were 1985 I would have been done with my meal already and playing with my Happy Meal Toy. My parents would be trying to distract me so I would forget about the playground. Nice try Mom and Dad, that's part of the whole experience! Now go find a spot in the shade and let me make some new friends as I play on the monkey bars that are rusted out and built way too high for a child my age and size! You couldn't let go, or it meant certain death, or at least a broken bone. So much frigging fun! I might need a tetanus shot! Worth it!
The fun and the magic are gone. And it starts with being greeted by a smiling face. Bring back the human touch. It may up your payroll a bit, but you will see more traffic come through the door. I know it sounds silly, but it's the little things like that that make a difference. Not a box of soggy chicken fingers, or even the chicken selects! (please bring back the chicken selects!) And when I'm at the takeout line, stop asking me if I'm going to use my damned App! NO, I'M NOT USING MY APP! I want to talk to, see, and interact with a live human being.
"Would you like sauce with your nuggets sir?"
"Why yes, yes I would! Some sweet and sour sauce would be lovely, thank you!"
"You're welcome, thanks for stopping by!"
Really, that's all it takes. Human interaction with a smile. Get rid of the damned kiosk and replace it with a human. No more droids!
I never did get that C3PO glass. Damnit!
Being somewhat introverted due to social anxiety I used to scoff at the notion that "humans are social animals." The last 15 years of decreased human interaction thanks to technology, and the sad miserable experiment that was COVID-induced isolation, has me convinced of this assertion. The onset of commercialized AI is going to shine an even brighter light on this I think.