Whoopsies Daisies!

March 27, 2025

Hey, we've all been there before Donny. That horrible moment when you hit reply-all and accidentally send a reporter highly classified information about a military operation that's about to take place. Who hasn't?! I know after a few cocktails on a Saturday night I may have carelessly blabbed about a few stealth bombers flying into enemy territory to launch a Tomahawk missile or two...I'm only human! Cut me some slack!

So please, go easy on these fellas in your orbit that forgot to check the members on their group chat. It's not like they set up a private server in their house or something! It's not like you won an election a few years back with chants of "Lock Her Up", or anything like that. And while you're at it, maybe have those fellas make their Venmo transactions private? We can't have slush funds and backroom deals go awry with a digital paper trail. Just ask your buddy Matt Gaetz who paid all his hookers with that silly app! If he had just paid cash like the rest of you, he'd still be in Congress...maybe even the Attorney General!

Oh, and while you're at it, can you tell President Musk that buying 8,600 Teslas in three days before the Canadian rebate program expired might look a little suspicious. Just saying! I know personally I only buy like two or three thousand over a long weekend. He just got greedy. Anyways, just trying to cheer you up buddy, now get back to draining that swamp.

Hey, why didn't I get that text? Are you guys mad at me?