Wealthy Dowager Wipes Own Ass

March 20, 2025

The ultra wealthy are taking the stock market slump just as hard as the rest of us poor schlubs. Having to settle for the Rolls Royce this year instead of the Bentley. Poor bastards! Chaos amongst the upper crust could soon ensue if things continue to get worse. BMW dealerships across the nation are staffing up to get ready for the new influx of poor that will be lining up at the door as these hard times persist for the 1%.

"I might as well be driving a Volkswagen Bug," a wealthy dowager was overheard saying as she put a "for rent" sign on her 10,000 square foot guest house. "Before you know it, I may have to rent out the horse stables and the pool houses if this continues. When will this suffering end? I had to wipe my own ass this morning. What have we become? This isn't the America I grew up in!"

But not to fret, help is on the way! Now that a judge has ruled that the dismantling of USAID was unconstitutional, Perhaps President Musk and vice president Trump can divert the sorely needed funds back to the ultra wealthy to end this plight! Talks have been underway to use the thousands of unsold and recalled Tesla trucks to deliver the money post haste!

"It's best to keep these sort of transactions in cash," the all mighty ruler and benevolent king Musk assured. "Because even a severely understaffed IRS can still find you. Not to mention all those pesky government oversight agencies we've been hard at work dismantling. I will assure you though, that those DOGE checks we've been discussing will surely go to the people who don't need it, as we strive to help those who already have the means to help themselves."

I asked for a Bentley you filthy pleb!