Trump T.A.C.O. Recipe

May 30, 2025

Well, we missed the boat on this one as Cinco de Mayo has come and gone. And too bad really, because these would have been a lot easier to make had Trump and his goon squad not deported half of America's kitchen staff. What were they thinking? I mean Esmerelda worked diligently at the Trump family kitchen for 35 years...and now she's back home in what Trump himself would refer to as her "shithole country". So elegant from a man of such grace and refinery.

These also would have been a lot cheaper to make as well, as the self inflicted trade war he alone has created has driven the price up of almost every single ingredient. Oh shucks! It's for the greater good I guess! "So what! Your grocery bill has quadrupled after I spent four years blaming it on Joe Biden, and telling you I would magically bring down prices on day one of my presidency," the bold faced liar and current king and all mighty ruler quipped. "It's not like most of America lives paycheck to paycheck. I mean, if times get rough just have a garage sale and sell a Picasso or Rembrandt...everybody has a few of those lying around the basement, right? Stop whining already, I tire of it."

Yes, and so do the traders on Wall Street who have come up with the tremendous and deliciously clever acronym of T.A.C.O. For those of you who don't read the news, or know what an acronym is...it stands for 'Trump always chickens out'. Brilliant. At his press conference the other day a reporter asked him about it. You know, a reporter, who asks questions and reports on things for a living? Well, she had the nerve to ask him what he thought about it. He of course berated her and yelled at her like she was a three year old child...because that's what professor professionalism does during the course of his day, especially when embarrassed and backed into a corner.

It was glorious to see him squirm, as he was caught of guard...almost as if his keepers had kept him from the Wallstreet dig. Most stuff doesn't stick to old Teflon Don, but I have a feeling this one will. Especially come summer when prices skyrocket due to tariffs, lack of migrant workers, supply chain issues, etc. etc. etc. Oh and Esmerelda who is back home in her "shithole country". Well, I better go into the attic and basement to sell some of my paintings. I think I have a van Gogh hidden somewhere around the house, that should get me to September!

In the meantime, here is a fun little recipe for my world famous Trump Tacos. It's right up there with Aurora's Chicken Pepperoni and I promise you, I didn't steal her recipe before she was deported to a Venezuelan prison as a suspected MS13 gang member. Don't listen to anything that filthy grandma of 14 tells you, it's all lies, lies I tell you!

Ingredient list:

1 pound of ground white bred chicken (that comes from right here in the states baby!)

Dice one yellow onion and one yellow pepper for the king's courage

Dice one orange pepper and a mango for his majesty's skin

Add a little Indian cumin, Transylvanian garlic powder (to keep Stephen Miller at bay), cayenne peppers from French Guiana, paprika from Honduras, salt from the spice mines of Kessel, Greek oregano and chili powder from a Guatemalan insane asylum.

Wait, this meal is going to cost a fortune! Let's just go to Taco Bell and be done with it.

That'll be $150 bucks please!