The Horror

May 31, 2025

I can't say that we've all been there. I can't say that it's happened to everybody. But one day, it will happen to you. It all begins at the grocery store, you've put this trip off long enough. The fridge is empty, the cupboard bare. Suck it up buddy, it's that time of the week. Grab your bags and your list and load up them coupons to your phone. You can do this.

You walk up and down the aisles, your mundane day of shopping for groceries has led you to the bakery. The smells of fresh baked bread, cookies and doughnuts waft through the air. You meander pass the pretty young mom with two kids in the cart and another one running around with reckless abandon. You push your way past the little old lady squeezing the loafs of French bread in search of the perfect baguette. Just the right vessel which will soon house her famous pickle sandwich. You, though, have a different mission.

You arrive at the bin filled with the bakery doughnuts, and there she is. Covered in chocolate frosting, staring back at you. "Well hello there handsome," the pretty pastry says. "Take me home with you, I won't disappoint." You don't hesitate, you grab that sugar siren and you carefully place her in the little foldable box as to not damage or or malign her in anyway. This Boston cream is your reward for a week of pure hell. A week that has beaten you down to a bloody pulp.

You get home, you put away the groceries, you pour yourself a tall glass of cold milk to wash her down. The kids are at school. The wife is at work. The dog is outside sunning herself. Yes, your moment of tranquility has finally arrived. You take a bite. You realize immediately you have been had. Mother Fucker! It's got the wrong God damned filling! Who the hell puts butter cream icing in a Boston cream?!!!! Son of a bitch! If I see that pastry chef, I'm going to let him have it. Dickhead!

Laugh if you must. One day, it will be you.

Where the hell are the Boston Creams?!