Prime Time Baby!

June 7, 2025

The waiting is over! Screw Christmas. Screw Easter. Screw Memorial Day and screw Independence Day. The real day all Americans have been waiting for arrives tomorrow. And just to sweeten the pot, it's no longer just one day. It's Prime Week baby! A time when we Americans hunker down on our computers and binge shop cheap shoddy merchandise, that nobody in this world needs, for rock bottom prices!

Oh, the joy of it all. The memories so priceless (no pun intended). Just think of what my kids will think when the dozen boxes arrive on the porch. What's in that huge box they wonder in awe. Don't get too excited, it's just several packs of shoelaces that were priced so damned low, I couldn't help myself. Such rock bottom prices! Of course it will take me 50 years to use all of them. But you know what? I'll never have to buy them again. That is, of course, until they get jammed into the back of a junk drawer and long forgotten. But fuck it, I'll just buy the shoelaces in bulk again next Prime week!

I better make sure to take plenty of pics this Prime holiday. Post them all to my favorite social media outlets. Oooooh, look! There's little Maggie opening the new closet system organizer that will help me catalog and store all the useless shit we will all purchase this week. Automatic sock folder, check. A newer, bolder Instapot, check. Storage bins for the attic, check. And if you decide you don't want any of it, you can return it to your nearest Kohl's where they will send it straight to a landfill to be buried for future generations to enjoy. Win-win really.

Don't get me wrong, I do love all of our other treasured holidays. But Prime Day, well my friends, Prime Day is my favorite! A word to the wise though, don't have too many drinks while celebrating this year, God only knows what you may wind up with at your door. Happy Prime Day Everybody, I hope all your hopes and dreams come true!! Several rainforests were chopped down to make this day possible...so please recycle your boxes!

Let's get a move on people, these boxes of doilies have to be in Nevada by tomorrow morning! It's your job if they're not! Chop, chop!!!!