Is Somebody Dead?!!
- Ray DeGraw
- May 10
- 2 min read
May 10, 2025
We've all been there. That dreaded ding your phone makes when you get a text in the early morning hours. The sun isn't up yet, the birds haven't even started chirping. The phone dings, it's 5:55 am, either it's a snow day at school or somebody just kicked the bucket. Shit, it's the middle of May...and it's the weekend! Oh, crap, who just died? You roll over, you try to grab your glasses, you think to yourself that maybe you shouldn't have had that extra drink last night; what was I thinking? Shit, I can't find my glasses, ah, screw it, if it's important they'll call, not text. Back to bed.
Ding. Ding. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Oh sweet Jesus either somebody close to me just died, or there is a missile inbound and we'll all be dead soon enough. It's bad enough that some kid drove by an hour earlier with a muffler loudener and a sound system that would be sufficient for Yankee Stadium. It's bad enough the guy two doors down with the Dodge Charger has to rev his engine every morning to remind us all how cool he is for owning such a vehicle! It's bad enough the white trash couple will probably start screaming at each other soon enough without any disregard for anybody else in the world. And let's not forget the 17 landscaping trucks that will start jockeying for position since white folk just can't seem to mow their own lawns anymore.
Well, I guess I better find my glasses and see what's going on. I'm going to be rudely awoken by something sooner than later. What was so important that it couldn't wait until at least 8am? For fuck's sake! It's a group text! Who's bringing what to Mother's Day brunch tomorrow? This couldn't have waited for at least the sun to rise?!!!! Oh, my sisters, you're all so lucky I love you so much! I want to reemphasize the world LUCKY!
Happy Mother's Day to Joanne, Jeanne, Cheryl and Debbie my wonderful and caring sisters who have always been there for me. But if you don't take me off that damned group chat, or start a new one, I'm going to murder you all!
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