In Other News...

June 16,2025

Well, that was quite the weekend. The Tyrant king had nobody show up to his big, beautiful birthday party, even though it cost the taxpayers over 45 million dollars. Aw, who's going to eat all the potato salad he spent all morning making? I guess they could freeze it. Can you freeze potato salad? They should look into that, by summer's end there will be nobody left in Idaho to harvest this year's crop!

The left seems to have woken up from their slumber. The No Kings protests that popped up all over the country were quite impressive. Some estimates are showing it to be the largest mass demonstration in U.S. history. If only they could have woken up last November none of this shit would be happening. Maybe they added to their numbers with the pissed off Trump voters who have started to see smaller paychecks...you know, when Uncle Sam decided to start collecting their overdue student loans by garnishing their wages? Either that, or they are pissed off they have to cut their own lawns and clean their own houses now. The horror...the horror!

Tragically, two Democratic Minnesota lawmakers and their spouses were gunned down in their own homes by a deranged Trump supporting nut job. Two dead, two still hospitalized. Trump and his cronies in the House of Representatives could care less. It wasn't anybody on their side. I'm sure they're figuring out a way to pardon the suspect and maybe replace Juneteenth with a holiday to honor him. I wouldn't put it past these monsters. I'm sure once the combover king gets in a few more rounds of golf to think about it, he'll proudly announce it in all caps via Truth Social.

But with all this madness and vitriol and tragedy gunking up the airwaves this Father's Day weekend, we missed the two most important news stories in decades. First and foremost, Gwyneth Paltrow released an internet video cooking what she called a "boyfriend breakfast" while topless! Oh baby, I'm glad I finally broke down and joined Instagram! That will be getting a few views tonight! And in a close second, Jennifer Garner ditched the brunette look and added blonde highlights to her hair for a kinky summer doo!

How did Fox News miss this? I guess they were too busy bringing up stock footage from Washington D.C. that actually showed people in the streets? Maybe digitally adding in people on the parade rout and removing people from No Kings rallies? I bet you AI could have done that for you! Then you wouldn't have missed the important stuff! Silly gooses!

Thank you Gwyneth and Jennifer for everything both of you do. Your heroism and bravery in these trying times will not be overlooked or forgotten. No matter what stupid thing the Tyrant King and his court jesters do.

It took 47 white teenagers to pick this bounty today. Farmers are hoping for a better effort tomorrow.