I Gotta Da Pizza Pie!

February 1, 2026

I love pizza. And why shouldn't I? I live in New Jersey. Other than the pies they're serving up on the other side of the Hudson river, we have some of the best pizza in the world. I do, though, have a problem that needs immediate attention, and I'm not sure who to write to on this matter. I can not stand when the slices aren't even. I mean, come on for crying out loud! How hard is it to make sure every delicious hot piece of melty cheese goodness is evenly sliced?!

To the pizza makers out there, you brave beautiful creatures of God, take that extra three seconds when your cutting up the circle of greatness that has just come out of the 800 degree oven and make sure it's precise! That way the teenage monsters don't grab that one giant slice and the rest of us get stuck with the minis. It's bad enough nobody makes an 18 inch pie anymore. Do we really need to suffer the injustice of an uneven sliced pie? Especially when we're limping to the barn with a 16 incher?! I say, no sir! Dirty pool!

And while we're at it, can you make sure there are more slices with big beautiful bubbles in the cheese. Thank you kindly. That is all.

That's right, get it all on there baby!