Hail Atlantis!
- Ray DeGraw
- Apr 2
- 2 min read
April 2, 2025
After watching Kevin Costner’s Waterworld during Movie Monday, Trump and his cabinet have decided to double down on one-time use plastics. The idea was first brought up by J.D. Vance when he remembered seeing a news story about a plastic island the size of Texas drifting aimlessly in the Pacific Ocean. By adding even more plastic to the island, the plan is to use Marjorie Taylor Green’s Jewish space laser to melt it into one giant floating continent.
This way, if the planet is ever swallowed up by water like in the movie, the upper echelons of society will still be able to lead normal happy lives. Elon Musk has been tasked with developing a version of Kentucky Bluegrass that will not only grow on plastic, but thrive as well…as plans for a lavish and state of the art golf course are in the works.
Trump, meanwhile, is feverishly working out trade routes to the other floating island of garbage in the Indian Ocean and plans to establish a 75% tariff on all goods from said island. “I don’t want our big beautiful Pacific Island getting screwed over by the Asian markets again should a great flood occur,” Trump was overheard saying with a mouth full of popcorn.
Next on tap for Movie Monday will be a double feature with a showing of Charlton Heston’s 1973 classic Soylent Green, followed by Ron Howard’s 1985 Oscar winning film Cocoon. There are meetings scheduled afterwards to discuss the growing problem of senior citizens living way too long and solutions to deal with this issue.
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