Eureka!

August 19, 2025

It's very hard to get Americans to pay attention, let alone understand the logistics or magnitude of anything. Simple things like recycling, for example, can sometimes prove utterly impossible to implement for a variety of reasons. For Millennials and Gen Z, it can be as simple as being too fucking lazy to bother. For Baby Boomers it can be something silly like, "I never had to recycle when I was young, I'm not starting now!" Or for us knuckleheaded Generation Xers, it can be something foolish like rebelling against it because, "I won't let the man tell me what to do!"

You can do your best to educate, to throw numbers at the wall; you pull your hair out in frustration, trying your best to save the world, but to no avail. People will do what people want to do, especially us dimwitted Americans. You can tell them we throw out 800 million dollars a year worth of aluminum because we're too lazy to have a second garbage can. You can show them that our bodies are filled with so many microplastics that you can make a spoon with just the shit they can siphon out of your brain when you're dead. Na, that won't even get the needle moving on this. But then it dawned on me...you have to start comparing things to something even the Fox news watching troglodytes can relate to...a football field!

Use the following formula..."did you know you could fill up ________ football stadiums with the amount of __________we throw out each year?"

This formula could very well change the world! I expect my nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize to come rolling in post haste! Now get to work America! And recycle them damned cans and bottles, you lazy self-righteous fucks!

We can do this! We've have the football fields to do it!