Alien Man

July 31, 2025

My son and I ventured off to Morristown, NJ yesterday to see a Led Zeppelin cover band at the community theater. They were flat out awesome. Such insane talent on stage last night playing songs from an insanely talented band. I have never been able to play an instrument and I can't sing to save my life. I have always been jealous of those who have the musical gift, and quite frankly how easy it seems to come to those who have it. (disclaimer, I know it's not easy, it's fucking hard and takes a lifetime of work!) My son is just beginning this journey.

While we were waiting for the show to begin, we were watching the slide show being played for upcoming events. There was some cool events on the horizon, but then we saw one for a country act. If you know me well enough, you know what my reaction was. Modern country music makes me want to stick icicles in my ears and hope for the best. But that's just my opinion, I know there is an ass for every seat. Either way, my son William and I both immediately rolled our eyes in unison. Fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

Growing up, most of my friends were musicians, and damned good ones at that. Many of which are still at it...I'm looking at you Christina! So when I see some talentless stage full of hacks with ten gallon hats on, draped in American flags playing steel guitar I shudder. I think of all the musicians out there who are insanely talented and have worked their asses off all of their lives, waiting for their big break, only to see some idiot sell 10 million records singing about shotguns, lost loves, dogs, pickup trucks and the American flag. It makes me want to puke. It kind of mimics when I see some idiot influencer get a million views for taking a selfie in front of a dog shitting on a sidewalk and I get 15 people reading one of my articles. Yeah, it hurts.

So as I'm seeing this band called The Magical Mystery Doors fucking kicking ass and taking names on stage, I got an idea. Why not write a ridiculous country song, have my son William come up with a guitar riff and see where it goes? Maybe we'll learn something from it. Perhaps we'll go viral. Or maybe we'll realize that even country music takes some sort of talent!? Okay, yeah, not bloody likely! Anyway, William came up with the first line, I filled in the rest. Here it is, we call it Alien Man and it'll be a hit amongst all hits! It will top the charts! We'll be rich as astronauts, we'll be! Just give us a few minutes to come up with the music...

Alien Man

I'm putting paper to pen, cause I'm making Merica great again

I've got 13 stripes, most of them red

I've got 50 stars, all of them white

Now that the alien men are gone,

no longer do we live in fright

(chorus)

Cause I'm country strong!

I'm moving along

I'm singing this song

Merica, Merica, it won't be long...

My president king, it has a nice ring

He'll put us in place

When our voices are out of pace

He'll rule with his fist

and make sure to spit in our face

(chorus)

Cause we're country strong

We're moving along

We're singing this song

Merica, Merica, it won't be long...

Until our freedoms are gone

The Monster has come

Democracy is done

Merica, Merica what have you become?

At least the Alien man is gone

(chorus)

Cause we're country strong

We're moving along

We're singing this song

Merica, Merica it won't be long...

Until you're mowing you're own damned lawns!

Maybe we might regret that the alien men

are gone

White man, white man you'll be next

If you don't sing along

with my sweet ass song.

Merica, Merica it won't be long...

Because we are country strong!

We'll be on tour sometime in December...updates to follow